3.21 Day and Gabe updates 2021

Tomorrow is Down syndrome awareness day. 3/21 = 3 copies of the 21st chromosome. I thought I'd share a big update on all things Gabe. I believe knowledge is power and leads to greater understanding, so I appreciate everyone reading and supporting our boy. We moved a year ago to a new neighborhood to get settled into a new school system that was smaller and the kids could grow with. Our house has had a few improvements over the year and is really feeling like home. We love our neighbohood. People are always out walking, waving, playing, gardening. COVID has made it hard to meet people, but I think overtime, we'll find a great sense of community here. Cardiology: Gabe's repaired AVSD is still looking good. Hit mitral and tricuspid valve leak is still just mild/moderate so we will continue with the annual Echo, EKG and cardiology appointment. Pulmonary: Gabe still has moderate sleep apnea. His oxygen levels drop a little low, but not scary low. He is tolerating wearing his cpap, but finding the right mask fit that works with a flat nasal bridge is challenging. He's averaging 7-8 hours of wear time/night and having about 4-5 apneas per hour (mild to moderate range). He doesn't seem excessively tired. He wakes up 1-2 times/night to get a drink and a quick mask break, but goes back pretty well. ENT: Gabe has small ears which is common in Down syndrome. They usually have to clean out wax in his ears for him to pass a hearing test. We have to hold him down to keep him still to do this which is getting harder. He had a little dip down in his left ear on the hearing test over the summer, but not to the point of concern. Gabe's airway has gotten wider as he has grown. He can still have some reactive airway wheezing, so he is on a steroid inhaler, but it's alot less scary than when he was younger. He used to crash and burn so quickly with that narrow floppy airway, requiring lots of nebulizers and steroids, and retracted breathing that would lead to oxygen and hospital stays. I'm happy those days seem to be behind us. Opthalmology: Gabe is not a fan of glasses. We're still working on it. We started putting an eye drop of atropine in his right eye once a week to intentionally make it blurry so he would have to focus his left eye more. His left eye is weaker. The eye drop dialates his eye, so often have to warn people that his pupils are not equal, but he's okay. Feeding: Gabe still doesn't love eating, but it's gotten so much better than it once was. He loves chips, fries, and cheesecake. When we are eating our normal dinner at the house, he feeds himself pretty well with the occasional reminder. If we eat out or have people over (pre-Covid), he tends to get more distracted and requires more assistance. I'm hoping for additional updates to share later this spring :) Dermatology: Gabe has psoriasis that pops up from time to time on his scalp. Luckly we finally figured out what it was and have some cream to help. Gabe also has alopecia. He has some thinning spots, but a few bald patches from time to time. Luckily, he responds really well to steroid cream for hair regrowth. Down syndrome has lots of autoimmune stuff that can come with it - ex: celiac disease and thyroid disease are fairly common. Leukemia and Type 1 diabetes, while less common, are still more prevelant with individuals who have DS than the average population. Fortunately the hair loss and psoriasis are minor autoimmune reactions compared to the others. Gabe also has periorifacial dermatitis. He basically gets a rash over the summer that lasts into the fall. The rash is typically around his mouth and nose. It's often flared up from sweat, sunscreen, facemask reactions and requires another cream to help with that. As skin oils increase, his sensitive skin can definitely flare. Dental: His teeth are a crowded mess. Braces would be hard to tolerate for him at this point, so we'll continue to work on sensory issues and teeth brushing and maybe we can work up to it one day. Gross motor skills: Gabe is still wearing foot orthotics to help with foot alignment. His biggest issues are endurance. His poor muscle tone wears him out quickly. He would definitely prefer to sit than stand. We're trying to keep him on his feet and develop stronger leg muscles. He is continuing to take an adapted dance class which he really likes. Swim acclamation class has been on hold for the past year. I'm hoping that it will start up again soon. We had a few PT appointments over the summer and are hoping to set up a few more appointments soon. Fine motor skills: We've seen some great OT improvement this fall. Gabe is doing much better with buttons. He is more willing to write when using a styllus. We're currently working on some sensory things - washing his hair, coming his hair are definitely not his favorite things. We've made good progress with teeth brushing. Speech skills: Speech therapy via telehealth was not really productive with Gabe. He also was particpating less and less in person, often shutting down. Covid has really affected Gabe's speech skills. He is still stuttering, but is also having trouble finding words and getting frustrated more. We're hoping to start up speech again soon with psychology co-treating. We're currently on a waiting list. I feel like if he makes some progress with speech like he has recently with OT, his behavior and overall happiness will greatly improve. We've had virtual playdates with friends - donut decorating, cookie decorating, pizza making that have been pretty successful in getting him to interact and talk some. Behavior: I feel like Covid has been hard on everyones behavior and mood...Gabe included. We're seeing Gabe getting a little more agressive. He is hitting some and throwing things. I think he is either frustrated, overwhelmed, or testosterone is intense. We are seeing some great days at school, but of recent, more hard days. It's almost like a reactionary response to demands. He is definitely showing some escape behavior towards work demands and attention seeking behavior to peers. When you have speech delays, it's sometimes easier to hit or throw something to get attention, especially when you're trying to make friends. We've been working really hard on this. School has been very open to suggestions, taking data, giving breaks, etc. We're working closely with our behavior interventionalist. It think there is some sensory pieces too. When you're at home for so long, it can be sensory overload when you start back to school full time. It's an odd balance of showing him some grace due to covid, while teaching him appropriate behavior and expectations. Also, lesson learned, the first 30 min. of Home Along (which Gabe loves) is full of the words jerk, shut up, and dummy. When your kid likes to quote shows, it can be a bad combo. Gabe is 11 - he's still cute, but we are definitley out of the cute years and into the tween years. We are trying to reinforce privacy and boundaries as hormones begin. It's exciting and challenging to watch him grow. It is comforting to know that we have all the resources in place and lots of support to give him all the opportunity to be his best self. Gabe's into baseball, his tree swing, dinosaurs, books, babies, dogs, and Blippi (Lord help us). He gives the best hugs. He has some awesome dance moves. He says I love you every night when I tell him goodnight. Never give up on Gabe. And as for Alyssa - she's a gem. She has made friends pretty easily and adjusted extremely well to school. Covid was hard on our social butterfly, but she showed great resiliency through it all. She definiely wants to impress people. She's had to learn some hard lessons on what is a lie versus "just joking". She's also entering tween status with some smart comments here and there, but she's a really great kid with a heart of gold. She loves all thing gymnastics, ice skating, performing, glitter, and bike riding. She's really smart and loves science. I find random concoctions in my freezer that are "science experiments". Her and Gabe help each other in amazing ways. They kinda have a twin connection. Here's to spring and brighter days ahead. I'm exciting to see more friends and family this year. Happy world Down syndrome day tomorrow! Wear those crazy socks!

Moving on Up

We've thought a lot about future schooling for the kids. We are very happy with our current elementary school and they have loved both kids hard. We are guarded about middle school options as Gabe gets older. In the fall, we toured schools, read up on them, talked to lots of people, and made the decision to look into options to move into a smaller school district with appropriate staffing, good communication, high standards, and happy parents. The school district has long had a reputation for academic excellence. As for special ed., in the past, there have been some dissatisfaction amongst the special ed community, but it sounds like they have learned from past failings and grown a lot based on conversations we've had. I really liked their current special ed. director - she seems very legally based (for both district and student) and their ratios are amazing. So we did a thing - we moved! Why move and not just pay tuition you ask? Well, even with open enrollment, if a school is very crowded, it does not guarantee you a spot. We can't gamble at Gabe being "cut", so living within the city gives us peace of mind. It also prevents us transitioning to an out of district middle school and back to an in district high school - too much transition. It's been hard saying goodbye to our home of the past 13 years. It's been good to us. But onward and upward we go. Change is hard, and exciting, and fun. The kids have adapted well to the new house so far. They are most excited about the basketball hoop and laundry shoot.

Back to school talk

It’s back to school time! It’s the perfect time for parents to talk to their children about different abilities. Gabe has Down syndrome and I am only one parent so my ideas/perspectives are specific to him, but I’m sure other parents would be more than happy to give you conversation tips if you need them. Kids are naturally curious. Alyssa recently asked me why kids were staring at Gabe at Kroger and at the park. I had to explain that Down syndrome is not familiar to everyone necessarily and it’s up to us to show them that it’s not scary and it’s just Gabe being his awesome self. It does not need to be complicated and pointing out similarities with the differences goes a long way. Why does he sit down a lot? Gabe’s muscles work a little differently than yours. They get tired out easily. It take lots of strength for him to move around like you do every day. That’s why he has to take breaks sometimes, why he wears special shoes, and why he can’t always keep up. You can help encouraging him by telling him to walk as fast as you, or play tag. Why does he talk funny? You also have a lot of muscles in your mouth. He has to work on using those muscles especially well so people understand him when he talks. If you ever can’t understand him, ask him to repeat it or say it in a different way because he has lots to say and wants to be heard. Gabe eats really slow and needs help. Why? It takes lots of effort for Gabe to chew up his food. It’s also hard to get it on the fork just right. He’s come a long way in learning how to eat but you can help him by telling him good job when he takes his bites. Gabe likes to be awfully silly. You’re right! He thinks he’s hilarious. He loves when people laugh with him. If it gets to be too much though, tell him to stop. He definitely knows what stop means and should do it when you tell him. He does love joking and slapstick and all things that go kaboom! Sometimes Gabe doesn’t talk to me. Does he not want to play? You may be right. Everyone needs a break sometimes. He does watch you though. He remembers lots of things and always knows what’s going on. The key is to keep asking him and eventually he will say yes. Everyone needs friends and you are a great friend to include him. How is Gabe good friend to you? How does that make you feel? When you see Gabe trying hard how does that make you feel? **I guarantee you they say it makes them want to try their hardest too. Inclusion works! Here’s to a great school year!

3.21 World Down syndrome Day!

There are times I really really dislike Down syndrome. I hate that I have to get Gabe’s blood drawn once a year to make sure he doesn’t have leukemia. I hate that his tone is so poor that his gait is unsteady when he runs and it’s hard to keep up with friends. I hate that he gets frustrated when he stutters because he can’t get all that he wants to say out easily. I hate sleep apnea and potentially having to desensitize my kid to a CPAP mask. I hate that it takes him twice as much effort to get things down when it comes easier to a typical kid. I hate that I’m constantly taking him to therapy. I hate that I find myself getting judgy… Or maybe jealous.., of other parents when I hear them complain about having to take their kid to an extra baseball tournament b/c it’s just too busy. I hate when people judge my parenting and Gabe’s ability. I hate constantly wondering if I’m doing enough. I hate writing this and thinking that I complain too much and then feeling guilty. There are other times when I really really love Down syndrome. I love uncontrollable laughing at the silliest things. I love being greeted when I come to the door with full excitement. I love that he says I love you and gives me a kiss every night before bed. I love celebrating every success and valuing every milestone. I love the comradery in the community. I love the fact that he counts stairs when he goes up and down because that’s what kids who go to therapy do. I love that everyone is a friend. I love that other kids try harder b/c Gabe tries hard every day. I love how he senses emotions at such a deep level. I love that he changes people. I love when he says “I did it!” I love everything about Gabe. It’s hard to tell what’s a DS trait and what’s a Gabe trait b/c it’s all combined in some ways. I guess I love all things DS too then. I certainly celebrate it. The celebration is much greater than any negativity I have towards it. What I dislike is - hardship. But hardship presents itself to everyone in different ways. Maybe hardship is something to embrace as well. I actually think DS saved us. It saved us from selfishness, impatience, and being uptight. It makes us be more empathetic, congratulatory and inclusive. It helps our marriage and family grow together. It makes us better in every way. As I’ve said many times before..,never give up on Gabe! Happy Down Syndrome day! Wear those crazy socks! Guess who wanted bare feet?

Thankful

We have so much to be thankful for this year. Gabe is doing well in 3rd grade. We are working through some behavior issues though. He likes to be silly, say no, and run away from difficult things. Days are never really bad, but it is rare that he gets stars for every task he completes at school. However, the past 2 days, he has earned all of his stars and had great days. He was so proud of himself. We are continuing to work on Gabe talking more to his peers. We got in touch with a fluency specialist. She performed an assessment on Gabe and it was fascinating. She counted number of stutters or delays per syllable. He scored significant enough to qualify for services. He tends to stutter or have trouble planning out his words when he is having conversations versus when it is scripted (reading a book). We start this specific therapy next week. I am so hopeful. Gabe wants to interact more with peers and hopefully this will give him the tools to be more confident and conversational. He has so much in his head he wants to share...he just needs to get it all out. He has such wonderful classmates and friends who show him patience and understanding and just love him to pieces. Gabe also started a dance class called Remarkable Movements at Dance Expressions Theatre. It's PT disguised as dance. He loves it. He loves checking himself out in the mirror...it's hilarious. Alyssa is rocking 1st grade...I never had a doubt that she would. she was student of the month for November. She loves swimming, gymnastics, all things sparkly, magic tricks, jokes, and science experiments. She is so fun. She just turned 7. I love my kids and how they are growing and who they are becoming. This Thanksgiving, I am thankful for: - my family - my friends who don't judge me when it takes days for me to call them back - parents/Grandparents who come to the rescue - a profession that challenges me, exhausts me, inspires me, and gives back to me in so many ways - my health - my family's health - my marriage (11 years strong) - my local Down syndrome community who "gets it" and offers wonderful resources and advice - all of you Justin says he is thankful b/c he has gotten everything he has ever wanted...great kids, great family, a great wife, and a company I built. Alyssa wants me to add that she is thankful for family, shelter, donuts, pets, community helpers, and TV Gabe says he is thankful for "you".

Gabe turns 9

Today is Gabe's 9th birthday. Here is an update on all things Gabe: School: Gabe will be going into 3rd grade next month. He loves reading, being silly, and playing with friends. His reading fluency has much improved. Math is challenging with money and time. He knows the names of the different coins and how much they are worth. Adding different coins together is hard for him. Time is going okay. He can tell you the time when the big hand is on the 12, or 6, but if it's on the 1, he'll say 1, not :05. It is complicated if you think about it. Practice, practice, practice. Gabe made friends with kids in his class year. He's really interacting with peers, not just side by side and it's so great to see. Speech: Gabe's articulation is improving. Others are understanding him well, not just our family. We are working on same and different concepts. We are also working on word problems and him explaining why with different pictures or readings. Gabe still scratches his throat, making a crocking sound for oral stim. It's usually if he's hungry, tired, or anxious. He is aware of it though, b/c if we ask him to stop, he does for a short period. He still often quotes TV shows or songs, but we mainly just ignore it. They say be happy he is making sounds and putting the sentences together and he'll learn more of the social norms as he progresses. Occupational Therapy: Gabe is currently working on handwriting. His letters have greatly improved. He is able to write smaller and much clearer when he wants to. We are still working on hand strength for buttons, snaps, and zippers. PT: Gabe's core strength continues to be our key focus. How do you make planks fun? He'll do crab walks, crawl, one leg balancing, etc. He is able to ascend and descend stairs with alternating feet when he has a handhold. His gait twists some and is very broad b/c of his lack of core strength. He still likes to bump down the stairs at our house, but will stay on his feet sometimes with reminders. Gabe still prefers to sit down a lot. It's less effort which I get, but whenever he's hot, or been playing for awhile, he demands to sit. Behavior: Gabe continues to improve in social settings. He's getting less overwhelmed with crowded areas. He also takes turns with other kids, even strangers, and ventures off to explore different parks, play centers libraries, etc. He loves routine and will participate well in the structure of his routine. When things are hard for him, or demanded of him, we often get "no". We track it and often after 2-3 requests, he'll comply, but somethings he just turns dead weight on if he doesn't want to do it. General compliance tends to always be the theme. Token charts to earn a reward are helpful. Making things more difficult as a punishment (picking up blocks, walking into the other room and back, etc) tend to resent him. Health: Gabe's sleep apnea is now just mild. He is sleeping well and it is being treated with Singulair and Flonase. Next sleep study is December. For ENT, Gabe passed a hearing test without a tube in place. This is huge. Those tiny ear canals are growing! Gabe is still suppose to wear glasses. He doesn't like things on his face. He'll sometimes wear them when reading or watching TV. We go back to the eye doctor next month. I may try to get him lighter weight frames to see if they are more comfortable for him. As for Cardiology, Gabe's mitral valve leak remains mild and unchanged. They continue to monitor him with an EKG and ECHO annually. Feeding: We continue to see feeding clinic about every 6 months. Gabe is eating well. His variety is great and he eats what we eat at all meals. He has some texture issues with slimy and gummy things (grapes, blueberries, gummies), but overall does great. He's drinking at least 30 oz/day of milk and water. He still has his feeding tube...ugh, but the good news is, we don't often use it. We may give him a couple ounces of water/week so he doesn't get constipated, or to help him out if it's super hot outside, but that's it. He's eating all his calories. What we really need to work more on is self feeding. He'll bring the fork to his mouth, but he needs to start stabbing the food. Also, if we are eating somewhere other than our house, we sometimes have to just feed him bites to get food in him b/c it's not his routine and he's less willing to help out. He eats great when there is a show on or some type of distraction, but we always try to get him to take a few bites independently to earn that reward. His weight has maintained since dropping the pediasure, however I'm unsure if he's really gained. He seems taller though. We go back to feeding clinic in September. The marathon of feeding is no fun, but progress is being made. Self Help: Gabe is able to use the restroom independently, pulling his shorts up and down, flushing toilet, and washing hands...when he wants to. He will do all of this when he really has to go. Getting him to go pro-actively b/c you are leaving the house, or should try before going here or there is when he often throws fits. He hasn't really had any accidents for us, but I want him to go before it becomes an emergency b/c with his tone being poor, he can't hold if for long. Gabe is dressing/undressing himself pretty well. He takes awhile, so if we're hurrying, he needs help, but when there is time, he can get his underwear, shorts, and shirt on independently. He needs help putting on socks, orthos, shoes, but can take them all off okay. Gabe lets us brush his teeth. He'll hold it in his mouth for a few seconds. I count this as a win since he use to bee so orally averse. Gabe is starting to get in and out of the car independently and pull his seat belt over and help fasten. Things Gabe loves: Toy Story, Books (trying to advance past his love of Clifford), screen time (he loves leap pad and TV), the park, jamming to music, bowling, the zoo/aquarium, chucky cheese, pop a shot, playing catch, yelling boohoohahaha to scare you, and saying "ta-da" when he's done something he thinks is fabulous. Stay gold buddy. Thank you for making me a mommy 9 years ago. You have taught us patience, determination, how to be supportive, and unconditional love. Thanks for bringing so much light and goodness into this world. "I would not change you for the world, but I will change the world for you."

2nd grade - the year Gabe made friends

Gabe had an overall very positive 2nd grade year. His reading fluency has greatly improved. He wants to read books to us instead of us read to him. We are working on reading comprehension at the end of the book, not after a single page. He is able to identify 3 and 4 digit numbers. He is learning basic time and beginning to learn about money. He can identify all the coins and tell us how many cents each is worth, but adding different cent values is very hard for him. Gabe's handwriting has greatly improved...it is no longer very large, but when given boxes, he can write a letter within the box. He is also learning to type and use a calculator. He is able to use the restroom independently now at school and is beginning to carry his lunch tray through the cafeteria to the table. He gets his supplies ready and wears his own backpack, even though it's as big as him. We are continuing to work on transitions. When moving from room to room or subject to subject, Gabe often gets distracted or refuses because there is a demand. Also, when work is hard for him, he will sometimes shut down when things get difficult. I sometimes have to remind myself that his stubbornness is the exact trait that got him through very fragile times in the past and this is just him presenting his strong will in a different way - even when it challenges our patience and his advancement. The most positive thing that has happened this year is that Gabe has made friends. Gabe always did side by side play. As a toddler, when kids got rougher and more physical, Gabe was still wobbly on his feet, delayed with his language, and sensitive to loud noises - peers became a little scary to him. He has always interacted well to Alyssa (she demanded it) and says 10 word sentences to us, but with anyone else, he generally regresses. This year, there were some very patient and special kids in Gabe's class who included him, praised him, met him on his level, and made him feel safe. He's still kind of quiet around them, but he smiles, laughs, cheers them on, and is so happy around them. It makes me so hopeful of his future relationships and general happiness. When I was pregnant with Gabe, I often worried if he would have friends...would he be invited to birthday parties? Would he have someone to go to the movies with? Would he have plans on the weekend? After this year, I know he definitely will. Never give up on Gabe. (I intentionally cropped out his friends' faces from this public blog, but the real picture is 10x more adorable.) And as for Alyssa....She such a smart, compassionate, and happy kid. She rocked kindergarten and I'm seeing her understanding and patience of all kids with different abilities shine through because of her brother's influence. 1st and 3rd grades here they come! Can't wait to enjoy this summer.